Why? He knows where there is unity, he is in big trouble. ‘And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him–a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’- (Ecclesiastes 4:12 ESV)
But as beautiful as marriage is, it is also weighty. It
requires maturity, sacrifice, humility, and a heart that is open and willing to
be shaped by God. The truth is this: many marriages don’t just fail because two
people have ‘irreconcilable differences,’ but because two unprepared hearts
tried to become one without healing, wisdom, or spiritual readiness. ‘For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and
the two will become one flesh.’- (Ephesians 5:31)
Love isn’t just enough to make two become one; it
takes a whole lot of preparation.
Marriage is an institution created by God, and His standard
still applies.
Marriage is not merely a social contract, convenience or
social media content; it is a sacred covenant. Despite what we now see play out
in recent times, Scripture reminds us that marriage mirrors Christ and the
Church. That means marriage is spiritual before it is emotional or physical. It
is holy before romance finds its way in. It is shaped by purpose, not just pleasure.
When we understand marriage as God’s plan, we begin to
appreciate why preparation matters. My personal life experiences and my
understanding of God’s intention for marriage is that God never intended for
two wounded, unexamined, unhealed hearts to carry the weight of covenant
without His grace and guidance. A godly marriage is a war room where chains are
broken and destinies are shaped. It remains a prime target for the devil
because he knows what that means for him–a generation raised well and taught how to
bruise his head and to protect themselves from his lies and attacks that would
prevent them from fulfilling their purpose. (I will put enmity between you and the
woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel - Genesis 3:15).
God calls us not to perfection but to wholeness, which requires intentionality.
Why Many Marriages Struggle: The Unprepared Heart
I will say it simply - either anger issues, adultery,
deception, immaturity, dwindling affection, think of it and name any other issue
found in marriage - they are all as a result of an unprepared and a spiritually
unrefined heart. Differences don’t destroy marriages:
- unaddressed wounds do
- unspoken fears do
- unhealed trauma does
- unexamined patterns do
- unrealistic expectations do
- unacknowledged red flags do.
Jesus teaches us in Matthew 7:3–5 to examine our own hearts
before trying to fix another. That principle applies profoundly to
relationships. Before we join our lives with someone else, God invites us to
look inward:
- What beliefs about love have shaped me?
- What wounds am I still carrying?
- What habits or fears might sabotage intimacy?
- Am I seeking marriage for companionship or, worse still, healing that only God can give?
When we skip this inner work, we enter marriage expecting
our spouse to fix what only God can heal.
A common argument is that in marriage, what you see is what
you get. This is based on the belief that a person’s character, habits, and
emotional patterns are already fully formed long before the wedding day, and
marriage simply reveals what was always there. According to this view, the
success of a marriage depends largely on making wise choices by observing a
partner’s behaviour, values, and lifestyle during courtship and accepting that
these traits will not magically change after the vows. So, how
do you choose wisely? What factors help us to do that? Marriages of a few years
or even decades fizzle out, so the question to ask is ‘what went wrong?’ If we
do marriage the way God intended, it does not fizzle out over time. Preparation
is key to the work required for continued renewal to keep the fire burning over time, and to make the part of the wedding vows ‘for better or for worse’ actually mean something entirely different from what the world has coined it to mean.
Another contention that oversimplifies the complexity of
human growth and the spiritual depth of marriage is that, while marriage exposes what lies within, it also reveals how unprepared many hearts
are for covenant. What you experience at the start of a relationship, right into
courtship, is often filtered through excitement, hope, and emotional desire, but
what you get in marriage is the unedited version of two hearts, sometimes complete
with unhealed wounds, unexamined patterns, and spiritual gaps. Without
intentional preparation, self-reflection, and healing, partners' expectations of transformation will fill voids only God can heal. In this view,
the issue is not that people change after marriage, but that they were never
truly ready to become one in the first place.
Becoming ‘Heart Ready’ for Godly Love
This is the heartbeat of my new book, Heart Ready–a guide for anyone who desires a relationship built on truth, emotional maturity, and spiritual alignment.
Heart Ready helps readers:
- heal emotional patterns that hinder connection
- understand God’s design for love and covenant
- break cycles rooted in past trauma
- cultivate self-awareness and spiritual maturity
- pursue relationships with godly intent, not desperation
- deal with rejection with wisdom
- build a foundation strong enough to sustain marriage
Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or already married,
preparing your heart is not optional. It is essential.
Preparing the Next Generation Matters Too
I don’t know about you, but compared to my Mum, I think I had
the conversation about relationships and marriage with my kids earlier than I
thought I should have. I had a friend whose teenage son was
stalked by his ex-girlfriend (also a teen), who was threatening self-harm if they
didn’t get back together. What did they know about matters of the heart – they were
only babies themselves! Thankfully, the adults were able to step in and safely
manage the situation. We live in a world where culture teaches our children
everything except how to value the true meaning of things like morality, self-preservation before marriage, and
their value as individuals, even while married. As parents, guardians, and mentors, we have a
responsibility to guide them back to what is right.
Let us teach them:
- that marriage is honourable
- that love is patient, kind, and selfless
- that courtship is not a waste of time but a journey of discernment
- that preparation is not old-fashioned, rather it is wisdom
Encourage them to seek God before seeking a partner.
Encourage them to heal before they date. Encourage them to understand what a covenant is before they commit.
Even Married Hearts Need Renewal
Marriage doesn’t eliminate the need for heart work. In fact,
it often reveals what we never knew was there. If you’re married and longing to
reconnect with God, with yourself, or with your spouse, Heart Ready offers
a gentle, Scripture-rooted path back to emotional and spiritual alignment.
If this message resonates with you or with someone you love,
I invite you to get a copy of Heart Ready on Amazon. It is more than a book; it
is a companion for your journey toward wholeness, wisdom, and godly love.
Buy Heart Ready on Amazon today and begin preparing your
heart for the love God designed for you.
#ChristianMarriageWisdom #HeartReadyBook #GodlyRelationships #MarriagePreparation
Love always
Ige